Vicambulate.

Trying to keep the light from going out,
And the clouds were ripping out my broken heart.
They always say,
"A heart is not a home without the one who gets you through the storm."

Hot water bleeding our colours.

There is something wrong with me,
My mind is filled with radio cures.
Electronic surgical words.

I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight, let's just fix this whole thing now.

So long to the headstrong.

Am I a shadow on your wall, am I anything at all?

Should've recognized.

Happiness, it hurts like a train on a track,
Coming towards her, stuck still no turning back.
She hid around corners and she hid under beds,
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled.
With every bubble, she sank with a drink.
And washed it away down the kitchen sink.

2010.

Happy New Year.
(L)

Watching grease.

A rose dreamed day and night about bees, but no bee ever landed on her petals. The flower, however, continued to dream. During the long nights, she imagined a heaven full of bees flying down to bestow fond kisses on her. By doing this, she was able to last until the next day, when she opened again to the light of the sun.

One night, the moon, who knew of the rose’s loneliness, asked:
‘Aren’t you tired of waiting?’
‘Possibly, but I have to keep trying.’
‘Why?’
‘Because if I don’t remain open, I will simply fade away.’

At times, when loneliness seems to crush all beauty, the only way to resist is to remain open.

Gotta turn around.

"So that's how we live our lives. No matter how deep and fatal the loss, no matter how important the thing that's stolen from us - that's snatched right out of our hands - even if we are left completely changed people with only the outer layer of skin from before, we continue to play out our lives this way, in silence. We draw ever nearer to our allotted span of time, bidding it farewell as it trails off behind. Repeating, often adroitly, the endless deeds of the everyday. Leaving behind a feeling of immeasurable emptiness."
I’m becoming less defined as days go by - fading away. And well you might say I’m losing focus, kinda drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself.
When I'm a little girl, I believed in fairytales. I said I was going to find Prince Charming and
 he’s going to be everything I want him to be. In fairytales, the bad guy is easy to spot. He’s
 always wearing a black cape. Then I grew up. I found out that Prince Charming isn’t as easy to 
find as I thought. The bad guy, isn’t wearing a 
black cape. In fact, he’s really cute and he makes you laugh.
Somewhere between the penance and the patience,
You drift with every word they say.
Somewhere between the penance and the patience,
I think we've lost our way.

Unspoken connection.

After bottling everything to myself and not speaking a word that could ruin your reputation, all I get is "You fucking bitch can go fuck yourself with your fucking lies. Don't ever trust that fucking bitch."

Lesson learnt:
1)Don't trust your friends, not even the closest ones.
2)There is no goddamned happy ending.

THANKS A LOT.
I fucking trusted you, and you totally gave me away. So much for, "We're in this together."
Yes, I'm just another motherfuck who practically screwed up everything.
But what's different, is that I've lost everything.
So whatcha gonna do with me now?

FUCK.

16th.

Happy Birthday Katherine! (L)

Fucked up.

Something's wrong.
Just as everyone's receiving presents
And wishing their loved ones a Merry Christmas,
I feel like everything's slipping away...
It's killing.

Combat Salacious Removal.

The whole damn world is just as obsessed
With who's the best dressed and who's having sex,
Who's got the money, who gets the honeys,
Who's kinda cute and who's just a mess.

Sitting in an English garden, waiting for the sun.

Sometimes you can't get back what's lost,
And sometimes that's the way it's supposed to be.


All I could think about was the time we stayed up all night talking. You didn’t say that I was wrong or stupid. You didn’t laugh at me when I confessed my wildest dreams. You just listened and it was then that I knew I wanted to be with you.

It feels like someone kicked you in the stomach, feels like your heart stopped beating, feels like that dream you know the one when you are falling and you want so desperately to wake up before you hit the ground but its all out of your control, you can't trust 
anything anymore, no one is who they say they are, your life is changed forever, 
and the only thing to come out of the whole ugly experience is no one will be able to break your heart like that again.


I'm such a loser, I know.
Doesn't change a thing.

Ghost under rocks.

Pulling shapes just for your eyes,
So with toothpaste kisses and lines.



My hands were clasped in his. Her Tea Leaves by Iron and Wine began streaming out from his Mustang's speakers. The top was down, and almost instantaneously, a cool breeze swept in to where we had so comfortably laid. The backseat was now warm, warm from our body heat. We had entangled ourselves. I could feel his heart beat as I began tracing every contour line that shaped his body. I could feel his breath, with a soothing heat that made me shiver all over.
"I want to kiss you." He said, his eyes, fixed on my lips, then my eyes.
"Why?"
"I want to part your lips with my tongue."
"And after?"
"I want to hold you, ever so tightly. I want to be as one, as one with you and only you."
"But I am nothing. Why hold on to me... why be a part of me, when I am nothing..."
"Because I love you. And when I look at you, I see beauty, life... Not a single flaw stains you. I want you."

Let's go where they can't find us forever.

I'm falling, so now you know.

No more of this living dying.
Just scientific analyzing.

I can't wait to meet you, and know nothing about you. Can't wait to not be attached to you, and yet, tell you all my secrets and in turn, you whispering yours. I can't wait to be a friendly acquaintance, and brush up against you. Subtly, slightly. Longing, wavering, wondering... I want nothing to do with you, know nothing about you. And yet, I can't wait to be attached to that nothing, and everything, all at the same time.

Sweet summer night and I'm stripped to my sheets. Forehead is leaking, my AC squeaks and a voice from the clock says, "You're not gonna get tired." My bed is a pool and the walls are on fire. Soak my head in the sink for a while. Chills on my neck and it makes me smile but my bones have to move and my skin's gotta breathe.

You pick up the phone and I'm so relieved, you slide down your stairs to the heated street. The sun has left us with slippery feet and I want to walk around with you. To walk around with you and be here with you, we're going.

It doesn't really matter, I'll go where you feel. Hunt for the breeze, get a midnight meal. I point in the windows, you point out the parks. Rip off your sleeves and I'll ditch my socks. We'll dance to the songs from the cars as they pass, weave through the cardboard, smell that trash. Walking around in our summertime clothes, nowhere to go while our bodies glow. And we'll greet the dawn in its morning blues with purple yawn, you'll be sleeping soon. I want to walk around with you.

When the sun goes down, we'll go out again. Don't cool off, I like your warmth.
Let's leave the sound of the heat for the sound of the rain. It's easy to sleep when it wets my brain. It covers my rest with a saccharine sheen, kissing the wind through my window screen. The restlessness calls us, that I cannot hide, so much on my mind that it spills outside.

Do you want to go stroll down the financial street? Our clothes might get soaked, but the buildings sleep. And there's no one pushing for a place as we end up at an easy pace. And I want to walk around with you. To walk around with only you.
Just you, just you, just you...

Don't lose faith..

I like being alone, but I hate being lonely.
Saying words that kill...
How mature of you.

Death

So an interviewer asked the author what he’d like on his epitaph and he said:
“If I had to choose a phrase, I would choose this: ‘He died while he was still alive’. That might seem a contradiction in terms; But I know a lot of people who have stopped living, even though they continue working and eating and carrying on with their social activities. They do everything on auto pilot, unaware of the magic moment that each day brings with it, never stopping to think about the miracles of life, not understanding that the next minute could be their last…

We are all walking towards death, but we never know when death will touch us and it is our duty, therefore, to look around us and be grateful for each minute. But we should also be grateful to death, because it makes us think about the importance of each decision we take, or fail to take; It makes us stop doing anything that keeps us stuck in the category of the ‘living dead’ and instead, urges us to risk everything, to bet everything on those things we always dreamed of doing, because whether we like it or not, the angel of death is waiting for us.”

I can't believe I'm looking forward to work everyday now.
Thanks to the angmoh. <3

Dream Catcher.

An incomprehensible array of thoughts creep in, pushing me under. Its presence, ever so thick. As thick as the devil's sweat. Suffocating, I'm screaming, yelling, shrieking at the top of my lungs in the hopes someone would hear my cry and rush to my side, curing me of my illogical illusions or, at least, what I wanted to believe was an illusion.

But no matter how loud I yelled, no matter how loud my cry for help grew, no one came. A glass window that divided me from the outside world conveyed an image of happiness and innocent child's play which I was clearly excluded from. I could see them. Envied their laughter and joy. Longed to be a part of that imagery. But all I could do, was bang on the glass, hoping it would break. Hoping I would break from this suffocating confinement. Replaying my continuous screams and yells.

Can you hear me? Are you listening?
Are you listening?

You stop, I start.

So pretty, so smart. Such a waste of a young heart. What a pity, what a shame. What's the matter with you man? Don't you see what's wrong, can't you get it right? Outta mind and outta sight. Call on all your girls, don't forget the boys, put a lid on all that noise. I'm a satellite heart, lost in the dark.

See the wreckage, break the mould.

So unaware of your devious cruelty. Have you ever believed?
Did you ever.

Never felt so insignificant. Nor so small. Nor so naked against the backdrop of that noise. Darkness surrounds. They laugh, they snicker. They pummel me with their thoughts, their obsessive insults. Driven to nothing but a dead end, once again. Are we just terrified? Are we just lingering on amidst an aimless blur? I wonder. Will I ever break free from this curse of mine?

In a little fantasy.

Just like yesterday, when you came to say hello and go.

Oblivion.

I think my addiction has just been kicked into overdrive.

Up with your turret, aren't we just terrified? Shale, screen your worry from what you won't ever find. Don't let it fool you, don't let it fool you. Down's sitting round, folds in the gown.

Sea and the rock below cocked to the undertow. Bones, blood and teeth erode, with every crashing node. Wings wouldn't help you, wings wouldn't help you. Down fills the ground, gravity's proud.

You barely are blinking, wagging your face around. When'd this just become a mortal home? Won't, won't, won't, won't. Won't let you talk me. Will pull it taut, nothing let out.

Smart is the new sexy.

Well, it kinda hurts when the kind of words you write kind of turn themselves into knives.

I can't think straight.

Parteh.

Prom.
Photoz on Facebook.

Guilty Pleasure

I want the $3 mini omnitrix sold at toysrus.
(The machine where you put coins in and turn...)

AS REQUESTED:
Thanks Alex & Rexson for an amazing night yesterday. Despite the silly midnight calls and 3am clubbing(WHICH REALLY ANNOYS ME TILL TODAY), you guyz are really awesome. So, dear Alex, please do not go back to London. You know I don't wanna go there. (Don't visit your parents for once. HAHA JOKE) And dear Rex, please spare me from the midnight torture. It really makes my blood run cold, and scares me.
-----
Reaching out for something unreachable. Holding on to something untouchable. Sensing something absent. Longing, leading to nothing but shortcomings. Utter shortcomings. How do you deal with disappointment? How do you plaster a smile when all you feel is a sensory overload of sadness and the creeping presence of tears? Feverish collisions and tragic mishaps, I bid you adieu! It all comes down to this.

Word vomit, once again. A nonsensical spill of words that only I seem to be able to decipher... But I guess thats all I really care about now. I'm tired of getting others to see my view, my point, my logic, my ideologies. To comprehend my thoughts, my hectic mind set. Maybe its best to be reserved. Best to not be understood.

A second chance won't mean a fuck if you don't appreciate it. Everyone gets sick and tired of everything, so do I. Which explains why I quitted playing already. Silly me, should've listen to their advices and not be tempted to play again. Blame it on yourself.

Forget about me.

I saw him standing there at the parking lot,
He asked if I came a lot.

This is crazy. Everyone's wishing that they've got a job, while I'm praying hard that I lose my job soon. Okay, apart from the fun and having the plane just right beside me, this job is killing me. I'm totally exhausted at the end of each day, and I'm always complaining to Wanning after work. (Since we meet before & after work... So, ya.) HAHAHA. Besides, I've got to escort people from the Security Post to my office which is equivalent to 1.5km la. See how far my office is. Unlike stupid Wanning who gets to work at SATS Building which is like so near to the bus stop.

While everyone's interacting with their friends and all, I've been interacting with Payrolls, Balance Sheets, Profit & Loss Statements and Files. Walao, it's like having Accounts Lessons can. After a week of working, I am finally going town after work tomorrow with Penguine to find Man. (I need to do some shopping badly.)
-----

I scraped my knees when I was praying and found a demon in my safest haven, seems like it's getting harder to believe in anything than just to get lost in all my selfish thoughts. I wanna know what it'd be like to find perfection in my pride, to see nothing in the light or turn it off in all my spite. And the worst part is before it gets any better, we're headed for a cliff. And in the free fall I will realize, I'm better off when I hit the bottom. I forgot my name. I forgot my telephone number. I forgot my address, damsel in distress.

I didn't know it's over, till you came on over.

On repeat.

A mixture of ideas and audio ecstacy.
No longer at a loss for words.

Turning into dust.

First day of work @ SIA was far better than I thought.
(Slack x10000)

HAPPY MEEEE.

YIPPEEE I JUST GOT MYSELF AN ITOUCH.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Don't get brainwashed by the words surrounding you.

Dearest Gorilla and Penguine,
It's been lovely to know you bimbos, and I've had lotsa fun hanging out with you guyz. Thanks for protecting me from the bloody idiotic ants, and putting up with my bitchy-ness despite the many times I run out of energy to high with ya all. (HAHA) More importantly, thanks for being there when I was feeling like shit. Even though we have had many little quarrels throughout these few years, you know I still love ya guyz. SO, CAN WE GO WATCH BEN10 LIVE? PLZZZZ.
Hehehe.
-----
Anyways, skating was totally awesome yesterday. Went to Bedok Skate Park with Penguine & Elvin despite the super long drizzle. AND I GOT 3 FUCKING BIG BLUE-BLACKS ON MY LEG RIGHT NOW. Check this out: I was halfway up the ramp, where I accidentally slipped and fell because it was damn slippery and it's hurting like hell right now. While skating halfway, this group of Malay guyz, who probably mistook someone for Jocelyn, kept shouting over. Damn hilarious. *Jocelyn for the day*

I AM GOING SWIMMING, I AM GOING TO THE GYM. I SHALL STOP FEEDING ONTO JUNK FOOD AND HAVE A HEALTHY DIET. I AM GONNA WORK AND STOP THINKING ABOUT THINGS THAT AREN'T GOING TO HAPPEN. I AM GONNA FACE UP TO REALITY AND FIND A SOLUTION TO THE SHITS THAT ARE HAPPENING. I HATE SUCKERS WHO MAKE USE OF PEOPLE, MAJOR LOSERS. I THINK MY BRAIN ISN'T FUNCTIONING, I THINK I'M GONNA DIE. I NEED MORE SLEEP AND I NEED MONEY. I AM GONNA WORK AT THE AIRPORT, I WANNA WATCH BEN10. I WANNA GO TO THE ZOO, NIGHT SAFARI AND BIRD PARK. I NEED TO DO SO MANY THINGS, I DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH TIME. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU JOEE. I HOPE YOU DIE, YAY.

After the rain, calling out again and again.
It's a fire, a fire, I cannot put out...

You aren't being fair to everyone. In fact, you aren't even being fair to yourself. It's funny how you contradict yourself time and again. I've seen many category of people in the past 16 years of my life, and I finally know how to differentiate who are my real friends and who are not. I'm sure you've heard many excuses from the people around you, or even from yourself. Aren't you tired of putting up a show? Even if you're not, I'm tired of watching you putting on an act. Can't you see you're losing yourself? You've been great, but don't you know that you're only being made use of?

As good as it gets,

You built up a world of magic,
Because your real life is tragic.